Learning to Small Talk
Candy Marcum
Stonewall Behavioral Health
How to Handle Social Stage Fright: Learning to Small Talk
For some people small talk is as easy and natural as falling off a log. For many more people, small talk is like being asked to stand in front of a firing squad—very freighting and threatening.
Take a peek at our friend, "Pat."
Pat has known for two weeks about the opportunity for getting more business by attending an upcoming Business Connections mixer. All the people who can afford Pat’s service will be there. He’s printed up new business cards. He’s chosen just the right clothes to wear. He’s rehearsed and rehearsed how he will introduce himself in order to make the right impression. Nothing can possibly go wrong—right?
Here’s what happens to our friend Pat in the above scenario. He gets to the mixer. He parks his car. As he’s walking to the door, he’s rehearsing and rehearsing what he’ll say as he meets the other attendees. He enters the door and ……freezes! He breaks into a sweat. His hands are shaking and he feels dizzy. He goes to the bar and orders a drink. He can’t even look at who is standing next to him. He wants to bolt for the door and run to his car, but he soldiers on.
The evening is a disaster for him. He is so nervous he can’t make eye contact least of all make small talk. All he can think of is what a looser he is and that he’ll never make a go of his business. After meeting very few people, he goes home demoralized.
Lots of business is done in social settings like the Business Connections mixers. Pat needs to take advantage of these business development opportunities. How can Pat, an introvert by nature, market himself in a social situation?
Improving Your Small Talk Skills
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Practice. Converse with everyone you come across: cashiers, waiters, people you're in line with, neighbors, co-workers and kids. Chat with folks unlike yourself, from seniors to teens to tourists.
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Read everything: cookbooks, newspapers, magazines, reviews, product inserts, maps, signs and catalogs. Everything is a source of information that can be discussed.
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Force yourself to get into small talk situations, in doctors' waiting rooms, at cocktail parties and office meetings. Accept invitations, or host your own gathering.
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Immerse yourself in culture, both high and low. Television, music, sports, fashion, art and poetry are great sources of chat. If you can't stand Shakespeare, that too is a good topic for talk.
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Keep a journal. Write down funny stories you hear, beautiful things you see, quotes, observations, shopping lists and calls you made. That story of the long-distance operator misunderstanding you could become an opening line.
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Talk to yourself in the mirror. Make a random list of topics and see what you have to say on the subjects. Baseball, Russia, butter, hip-hop, shoes ...the more varied your list, the better.
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Expand your horizons. Go home a new way. Try sushi. Play ping pong. Go online. Paint a watercolor. Bake a pie. Try something new every day.
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Be a better listener. Did your boss just say she suffers from migraines? Did your doctor just have twins? These are opportunities for making small talk.
As you work on confidence and overcoming shyness, your feelings of stage fright will diminish. Remember, the more you know, the more you know you can talk about. And, remember that half of small talk is listening.
Let’s give Pat a month or so of using the above 8 steps and I bet he’ll come away from the next Business Connections mixer with a pocket full of business cards and potential new business!
Join us for the our next Business Connections mixer on June 18 in Dallas and June 25 in Fort Worth. - ED
Candy Marcum is the founder of Stonewall Behavioral Health. SBH opened its doors in 1983. During this time, SBH has met and continues to meet the needs of its stakeholders by providing: professional counseling, supervision for professional licensure in counseling, trainings and workshops in communication for organizations/individuals and being a source of speakers and writers. Our expertise is historically bound to the gay/lesbian/bi/transgender movement and beyond. As an organization, we continue to grow, learn and teach.http://www.stonewall-inc.com/
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