Difficult Conversations
Candy Marcum
Stonewall Behavioral Health
Difficult Conversation in the Workplace
People are hesitant to confront others because they imagine the negative scenario that will follow. What people often forget to imagine is the negative scenario that unfolds when they don’t confront others!
How do you tell an employee that s/he is doing unsatisfactory work? 50% of the businesses in the U. S. are family run businesses. That means that there are plenty of small “mom and pop” (mom & mom / pop & pop) shops out there that are just trying to make ends meet.
I had an experience that may sound familiar to many small business entrepreneurs. Ten years ago, I needed some office help. I put an ad in the paper and interviewed several people. I ended up hiring this nice person named Jane (not her real name).
Prior to hiring Jane I had hired a young woman, Sylvia (not her real name either), who was in secretarial school. She was very competent and dependable. Our understanding was for her to stay with me until she finished school and could find a job where she could advance in a career. I gave her a good recommendation and was very happy for her when she found a great job.
This left me with a need for new office help. This is how I found myself with Jane. Although I checked Jane’s references, I did not do my due diligence. We just started out where Sylvia left off—with lots of trust and nothing in writing.
Jane’s attendance was spotty. She was pleasant enough with the staff and clients, but I couldn’t depend on her being here when I needed her.
I would politely ask her what her problem was with coming to work regularly. She had all kinds of reasons (excuses). I would tell her how important she was to running the office and she would promise to do better.
This went on for several months. The idea of having to go through another search for an office worker and fear of appearing unreasonable kept me mute and non-confrontational.
One day, I found my voice after Jane had missed yet another Monday workday. That Tuesday, I gave her an ultimatum. I said I would have to let her go if she missed another workday for the rest of the quarter.
Well, wouldn’t you know that once again Jane missed a Monday workday. Fortunately for me, Jane took me at my word and called in to say she would mail the key to me, as she knew she was fired (and also lucky for me she did mail in the key).
To be perfectly honest, I bet I would have given her another chance. This is how difficult it is to have to go through the hiring process.
What I learned from this experience is to have the conversation up front with the new employee no matter how uncomfortable. This sets the expectations and allows a process for communicating what is satisfactory and unsatisfactory work.
The following are important points for communicating with the potential new hire:
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Ask for and speak to the references of the new hire.
A good question to ask is if they would re-hire the person
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Have a job description written out. Your past employee will be able to tell you what skills this position requires
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Develop a time off policy for employees
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Have a certain amount of time where the employee is on probation
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Create a job review process. Communicate consequences of missing work, poor performance, poor customer contact etc. This is also how you communicate the rewards doing a good job.
The best advice I can give an employer is: Have The Conversation!!
Have it early and have it in writing.
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Can your communications use a shot in the arm? If so should attend Stonewall Behavioral Health's Couple Communication Workshop beginning on Friday, May 29. For more informaiton and to reserve your space call 214-521-1278.
Candy Marcum is the founder of Stonewall Behavioral Health. SBH opened its doors in 1983. During this time, SBH has met and continues to meet the needs of its stakeholders by providing: professional counseling, supervision for professional licensure in counseling, trainings and workshops in communication for organizations/individuals and being a source of speakers and writers. Our expertise is historically bound to the gay/lesbian/bi/transgender movement and beyond. As an organization, we continue to grow, learn and teach. http://www.stonewall-inc.com/
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